Waiting is proving itself to be harder than I had originally thought. It's only been 3 months since we were originally a match for an expectant mother who eventually decided to parent her child. I'm actually quite happy for the mother. Our adoption agency counceled this young woman and the process has completely changed her life for the better. She has started relationships with the local jails to talk to other expectant mothers who are incarcerated.
So I continue to wait for God to bless our lives with a bundle of joy. We have a great support team with family and friends and our church has been amazing. I put my brave face on when asked where the process is and thank the Lord that so many people care and are prayer warriors for us. I keep telling myself and others that God simply isn't finished with our miracle. I truly beleive that. We also go to support meetings that our agency offers. They definately help. It's bitter sweet being with other potential adoptive families who are going through the same thing. I don't wish the heart ache on anyone but it's nice to know that Ray and I aren't alone in this.
I sometimes catch myself being a little depressed when I'm around small children. I can't help but to imagine myself with our child at that age and things that we would be doing. I have really close friends who have just discovered that they were expecting their first child. I couldn't be happier for the two of them. They are going to make such wonderful parents. I've come to realize though that I can only be around them for short periods of time and I feel awful about that. Of course they are on cloud nine with their news and all they seem to talk about is their unborn baby. Don't get me wrong, I would be doing the EXACT same thing! But I want to continue to be happy for them and I know myself well enough to know that if I'm around them day in and day out, that the happiness I have for them will soon turn into envy. Last thing I need to do is make a fool of myself and push away two incredible people who I love to pieces. Well I guess those are all the thoughts I have for now, more to come later.
"Be strong and courageous for the Lord your God is with you". Joshua 1:9
